Inspirations (English Translation)
After a heavy year, full of doubts, jumps and falls, now i am in solid ground. Is not useful to follow the way others want for me because my roots push under me, wanting to come out, wanting that i let them bloom. So, here starts this new section.
And that bloom, that bloom all this adventure that i always wait for. Enough time hurrying up, enough time stressing me out, enough time doubting. I want to germinate like i should do, time to time, slowly. Without stopping myself.
I’m not gonna let the inner me doubts that i am in the right way, because is my way, because it scares me and makes me shake, and at the same time, i wouldn’t change this thing for anything else, i wouldn’t imagine myself in another place. This is what i am, is time to accept it, but really doing it. No feignings.
So many days without believing in myself, following who i am but hiding it behind my walls. Thinking that was accepting who i am: do it behind the walls. But accept yourself is more than doing what you like instead of what they say, is more than that. Now i get it.
Accept yourself is showing the world, in the face and not hesitating, who you are, what do you do. That is accepting yourself. And i’m tired of lock me up in my little box, in my secret blog, in my distrust wall. It’s time for everybody to know what i do, to know that i love to be a blogger, to draw, to read and to travel, that everybody knows that i am a dreamer and these are hard time for us, that i don’t like when people is leave behind just beacuse they are different, that i don’t like that people pretend be something they are not. And conceal, is like pretending too. Is one of the thing i have to learn, have no faith in nobody doesn’t make you friends neither and i think it would worth the risk.
About this year, i hope living intensely and not following the roads that don’t make me feel i am in the right place. I think live has giving me so much rounds to take me where i am now. In a few weeks i am starting Graphic Design, one of the careers that more frightened me and describes me. And i feel something, not like when i sing up then of leaving high school, now i feel that things really are going to change in the place i am standing now.
If i recommend something for a girl in my position i would not recommend her what i did. But if i sit for a while and think about it, doing what i did was my way to find out who i was and came back to the right road. So if somebody ask me for an advice, i will tell them my anecdote and explain them that doesn’t no metter what you do if you focus always on in this questions “Who i am?” “Am i this?”. Then of a while when you know the truth, you will know it, you will have to decide. It wasn’t simple but i accepted the truth that came to my heart, nothing will makes me happier than being a graphic designer and a book illustrator. However, to figure it out i had to hit a lot of walls. I don’t know if there are other ways i think some of us gotta do mistakes to find who we really are.
I’ve learnt a lot in a short time, i feel my life has gone ahead of me and changed rudly. I don’t know if i am ready for what it will come, but if i feel something is because this is where i have to stay, this is the place that i have to fight for and keep going on. This nerves are the most beautiful in this life, they mean you are in front of a dream and you dont’ know what will come next.
The Cibernetic Frankestein